I’ve had my most recent breakup more than a year ago.
If I am still my fifteen-year-old self, I’d still be crying about it. But five years older, I am now sure of the season that I am currently in: young and free.
COMING FROM A ‘WRONG’ RELATIONSHIP
My last relationship was with one of my best friends. We’ve been together for almost two years – not counting the friendship we’ve had since high school. Basically, I know him well and he knows me that much as well. I’d say it was never a bad relationship, despite several cool-offs along the way because of misunderstandings (often constructed by me.) He has always been the understanding one – and my parents accepted our relationship.
So what went wrong?
I honestly don’t know. I could only guess – perhaps it was because of me. He was ready to finish his battles and settle down with me as long as he’s done with them. But I wasn’t. I was his oxygen and it suffocated me. I was young, and I loved meeting different people, including other guys. Each and everytime I feel attracted to one, I feel guilty. He was focused on me, but I kept on looking for other guys out there. I wasn’t ready to be that girl.
I guess it’s really true that the right thing in the wrong time is a wrong thing. I wasn’t ready to be committed. And that made our good relationship wrong.
That’s when I began surrendering everything to God. He has plans. Better plans. I’ve had enough of controlling my love life and not be contented at the end of the day. In the end, I only end up hurting not just the other person, but myself as well. I’m too young for that.
Now that we are apart, I am glad to see him grow in God’s love. He isn’t changing – he is growing to become a man that God wants him to be. He still isn’t perfect, though. I know he will still makes mistakes, but at least right now, he has the Spirit to put him right back on track.
As of today, at 20, I am open for other possibilities, for other opportunities, and for other potential relationships. I am now opening myself up to meet new people, now that I am not in the university anymore. Bigger world, bigger horizon.
ON STANDARDS AND POSSIBILITIES
A mentor once told me to make two lists of my standards in men: the NEGOTIABLE list, and the NON-NEGOTIABLE list. The first one are like the add-on standards, while the latter is, obviously, non-negotiable, meaning that the man must possess these characteristics.
It was an arduous task. I know and am aware of my standards in men, but I am not sure on what in these standards should I consider as negotiable or not. And though I already have this list written at the back of my planner, in my case, I still allot a specific time to pray for my standards. I pray that God will be the ones to update that, if He wants to.
I still have my moments. There are times that my heart is failing me. But everytime it does, buti nalang may grace, because I am always being reminded by my accountability partners about my standards, and they point me back to the man whom I should be entrusting my heart to during this season, and that is Jesus.
I always keep myself reminded that God has already set apart a man for me, who will fit in those standards that He has provided me, and we will meet on the right place, on the right time. I don’t have to worry at all. My personal love story is already written — I just have to be patient, and be consistent to pray for him as he prepares to be the man that God wants him to be.
Today, my life revolves around my family, my work, and my ministry. I have also decided to take this time to also prepare on how to become the right one for someone, so that when the right time comes, God will permit us to meet each other halfway, and we will be enough for each other, because we deserve the best.
To you, if you are in the same situation and you’re reading this, it’s okay. It’s gonna be okay. Know your season and just be patient. God’s gonna honor your trust and patience and one day, He will lead the right man to you. But for now, constantly remind yourself to S to your S, and S to your S: Stick to your standards, and stick to your season.
(NOTE: This is an updated version of what I posted last December 2014 on my previous blog.)